SIMPLY MADdY

Change

Maddy — Sun, 17 Oct 2010 15:15:29 +0000

Change. Sometimes you see it coming, feel it happening, and realize the result before things are done changing, and sometimes your going through change with a blindfold on not noticing it until it blows up in your face. Trying to change back, its a waste of time. You can try to be the median, you can try to make things better and you can try to make everything back to the way it was but really its not going to happen. You can’t be the only one trying, and even when your not the only one trying, its still as if its impossible to go back. Making one too many mistakes can cause everthing to change. It can make you or break you, or it can even ruin relationships with the people your closest to. Making those few too many mistakes, although everyone makes them, most of the time you can easily avoid making the mistakes. But then you have a moment of weakness, and you just, mess up. Saying sorry, it doesnt do anything, it means nothing anymore because people over use it to cover everything they possibly can up. Even if your really, truly sorry, its hardly useful to say it. proving it is complicated. You dont know what they want to see for you to prove it, and its just a mess. But after change, whether it may be bad or good. We build from it. We grow and learn and experience more because of it. Although it seems as if your entire world is falling apart, it will build back up in time, all in time it will build back up and become a new constant for how your life goes. So, change, alot of the time, is unwanted, hated, feared, frowned upon because it can mess up the life you have now. But its necassary. Its a requirement that we change at least a few times in our life and that our life as a whole changes, because thats just how things go.

a year.

Maddy — Sun, 12 Sep 2010 02:42:11 +0000

Its been almost a year, on monday, from when my mom woke me up, telling me he was gone. Its been almost a year, since we were moving things out of his house, hearing his moaning from all the pain he was in. Its been almost a year since I lost all sense of sanity for the way I look at things. Its been almost a year since I dont waste life at all anymore. Its been almost a year since my life was completley turned around. And in this year. So much has happened. I found out who my real friends were, who would be willing to stay through my rants of nonsense, my insane thoughts, stupid moves, and just to stick by my mess of a self’s side. Ive sadly fallen in love, with my best guy friend, of all time. Ive had my heart broken, like all teens, ive had the best day of my entire life, the best week, the best month, and arguably the best, and worst year of my life.

It was in this year, that I was recovering from losing my uncle. my closest family member. It was in this year that I did a total 180 on my thoughts about life, it was in this year that I questioned why we even live in the first place, if all we do is die. Just. Alot happened this year that made me question alot of things, but i kinda learned not to stress out all the little stuff, cause whats the point of not enjoying life? ur gonna die eventually and not have the chance to enjoy it

so. This year. Was. Insane. And you wonder why im writing this no where near new years. well. monday. is a year. a year from last sept.13. so. Its been a year.

Dear summer

Maddy — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 01:36:13 +0000

Dear summer,

You. Are. Amazing. Yeah, your’re what I’ve always looked forward to during school, your the reason Im not the color white anymore. Your the reason that I’ve been honestly happy for most of these two months, your the reason that I don’t want to finish school, because there will be no summer. Since school is starting tomorrow, there will no longer be waking up everyday at noon, no more half day sleep ins and walking to seven eleven for breakfast. No more hanging out with friends all day and getting a chance to live life a little. And worse of all, no more worry free days, coming home late with a sunburn on your face, no more saying, “Does it really matter what day it is?” No more not knowing when ill be home or how im getting where, no more being out of the house and having fun every day. Summer, you have made me happy to be alive, you have shown me what its like to be a teen with no problems for a short while, you have shown me what its like to be busy, the good kind of busy. Ive had a summer fling, went to beach parties watched the sunset got burned all over got that embarissing tan line ive cried of joy ive gotten in shape ive discovered a part of myself i didn’t know existed. So summer, thanks for givin me those summer memories ill talk about forever.

It got me thinking..

Maddy — Sat, 24 Jul 2010 04:02:38 +0000

So, everyone is good at something. Whether its art or writing or athletics or anything. Everyone is good at something. Well. My brother was making fun of me in a joking way saying I wasn’t good at anything when we were discussing future carreer goals. Well. I thought about it for a while, and Ive come to realize, Im not really good at anything. I write, I swim, and I run (I do alot of other things, but these are what im best at I think). Im okay at all of these things, but im not great. And since someone is good at everything and its seeming like they find it earlier on in life, well, I feel out of the loop I guess you could say. Because I havn’t found what im good at. Ive found what I love, and thats about it. And I know people say do what you love (thats what she said) but when I do what I love, Im not as great as other people are at that. And I probably shouldn’t be comparing myself to others, but just once, Id like to be better at something then someone else who loves it as much as I do. Now that sounds like im whining and I guess I might be to some people, but, normally, I dont care how bad I am at something, because I do it anyways. But its just something about what my brother said that got me thinking, what the hell am I gonna do in the future that Ill actually be good at? Im not the next michael phelps, definatley not the next Steven King or Dr. Seuss either, and Im ok with that, but its kinda my dream to have a young blogger or writer or whoever say, im sure as hell not going to be the next Maddy W. Yeah. And one day, im gonna do it. I hope. But for right now, im still that mess of a girl trying to find herself in this crazy world.

Lets talk about being yourself

Maddy — Sat, 17 Jul 2010 05:18:08 +0000

So. One of the people that think they are close to me, says im not being myself. Well. What he doesnt know, is that I was finally comfortable with being myself around him. So thanks, Mr. thinkyouknowitall for judging me right when I thought you weren’t doing that anymore. And by the way, thanks for screwing up my childhood. Oh yeah, and I bet you didn’t know that whenever I see families together having a good time, I get really jealous because I wish we had that? And I wish that we could hang out without you yelling at me for something I did wrong. And I wish I had the guts to tell you all of this but im too scared that you will think im just trying to create drama and yell at me for being so selfish. I mean, do you know that you used to be my hero? That I looked up to you and one day wished that I could be as fun loving as you? But then, you started coming home drunk, and I learned what it felt like to be yelled at night after night, and I then I learned what fear was when I was terrified for you to walk through the door. And I would say that you ruined my childhood, if you were actually a part of it. You were only that guy who yelled at us for being kids and made growing up kinda suck. But, I wish I could tell you one thing, even if you think that you are helping me become a good adult, your not. But you are showing me how much of a dick someone can be, you taught me not to be mean, because I dont want to turn into someone like you. And most of all, you showed me how mentally confused one can be when drunk.

Plinky prompts? Sure.

Maddy — Sat, 10 Jul 2010 03:11:30 +0000

Okay, well, I have been having major writers block latley, so, I check my stats, and at the top, i see something about writers block and plinky prompts, so I click on it, and it apparently gives me a question every day or week or something to help write about. So this week, im going to try it out.

Plinky prompt #1: What part of life confuses you the most?

What confuses me the most, is probably what we were born to do. I believe that we were all put on this earth for a reason, and when we did what we were supposed to do, we pass away. No one really knows what they’re supposed to do, and even when they did it, they’re not quite sure of what they did, I dont think. Well, most of the time they dont. And that confuses me. Why weren’t we given a list? A list of things to complete in order for us to die? Is it because whoever it is up there doesn’t want us to know what we were born to do, because it would make things more real, and not played out? If any of this makes sense to anyone but me, it would be a miricle, because Ive heard this is very confusing to some people, but, this is what confuses me, more then anything in the world or about life or anything.

a random blog about life.

Maddy — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 03:54:52 +0000

So, here it is. Im pretty much going to enjoy life no matter what it tries to throw at me. Im done having things always hurting me, and im done with all this pain. I want to have a good life, i want to be a teenager, i want to mess up, have amazing memories with my best friends, and have stories to tell kids when im old. I want to look back on my teenage years and think, wow, what an adventure. Because thats what life is, an adventure, theres obstacles, rewards, begginings, ends, exceptions miscommunication mistakes embaressment, and enjoyment. Theres those times when we have to take the bad with the good, and we have to appreciate the good things as they come along, because there wont always be good times. We’re gonna be upset and maybe even depressed. But when those good things do come along, we need to appreciate them and live it up as much as we possibly can. And we have to know, that there will always be someone there to help us through those tough times. But for right now, Im done sulking on the past and dreading a terrible future. Im going to appreciate the past because i learned from it, hope for the best for the future, be happy for the time im given now and just live the way i want to live life. Im going to grow, and im going to keep moving forward. What people think dont matter all that much to me anymore. Its not their life, so why should they be trying to control it? They shouldnt. They should encourage and suggest and give their oppinion, but never try to actually change someones life. when I think about it, like really think about it, we only live the life we have now once, we only have so many chances to make something great out of our lives, so why pass an opportunity that could change your life forever, when there might not be another opportunity?

Afraid

Maddy — Sun, 04 Jul 2010 22:38:12 +0000

Lets look on the bright side. The best is yet to be. And we all have lives, but its up to us to decide whether to live them or not. We can either go out there and live life and appreciate the present, learn from the past, and hope for a future. I mean, what fun is it to just sit there and watch the world go by, when you can actually go out there and go along with the world. So many people have died because they have been out there living, but, i think its better to die young having amazing memories then to die old and have memories of watching people do the things that you have always wanted to do, but were to scared to do it. And to be honest, im not really afraid of dying. Of course i dont want to die, at all, but it happens, no one makes it out alive. But, i am afraid of people forgetting me when I do die, And becoming a forgotten memory. Im afraid of people not sharing our memories we had together with the world. Because When I die, I know im going to die knowing Ive made the best out of my life, im just kinda afraid that, when i do die, my stories and my experiences wont be told after im gone.

Oh Goodness

Maddy — Sat, 03 Jul 2010 01:12:47 +0000

You ever get the feeling where all you want is to be alone? Completley. Alone. Just for one day, because its like your life is suffocating you, and you can’t break away. And if you try to get over it by running, it doesn’t help, because you can’t really run away or hide or forget your life, believe me, ive tried. Dont get me wrong, I love my life, but sometimes, its like I just need a break. But then, theres other times, when its totally opposite. Where I feel totally alone, and i dont want to be alone, where i feel as if everyone hates me, and like im not needed. And I can tell you, its like the worst feeling in the entire world to feel like that. And right now, its like I feel both of those at once. I have absolutly no idea why this is, and i try not to feel like this, but its simply impossible to control how you feel. Its also worse, because im trying to be happy, because its better to smile then to frown, but idk how i can smile when im just not happy. All my friends arent around to make things better, so its making it way worse. I dont know what to do.

Life

Maddy — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 01:17:07 +0000

Life, the most amazingly tragic thing ever. Its up to you how you live life, whether you spend it alone or not, whether you have a million memories or not, its amazing. Now, in the past year, I have become more optomistic. Ive learned the hard way that people dont live forever, and that you will never know when you die. Ive become more open to trying new things and being comfortable in my own skin, and ive lived more then I ever have. I mean, what is the point of just sitting there and watch your life slowly fade? Why not get out there and live the life you want to live, why not be the one who isnt afraid of life? People have inspired me so much to live the life i WANT to live, and not the life that I am forced to live. And if people can’t accept the fact that Im not your average girl, then they can move aside, because im done pretending to be someone im not around people who judge. I still have the same personality, I just honestly dont care what other people think, its my life, right? Im not going to let them try to change me because im not what they want to see. I think everyone deserves that right, you know, to be who you want to be. And I dont think that right should be taken away from anyone.